Religion (10)

A priest ordered his deacon to assemble ten men to chant prayers for the recovery of a sick man.

When they had all come in, someone whispered into the ear of the priest, "There are some notorious thieves among those men."

"All the better," said the priest. "When the Gates of Mercy are shut, these are the experts who will open them."

Anthony de Mello

Religion (9)

Mullah Nasruddin's house was on fire, so he ran up to his roof for safety. There he was, precariously perched on the roof, when his friends gathered in the street below holding a stretched-out blanket for him and shouting, "Jump, Mullah, jump!"

"Oh no I won't," said the Mullah. "I know you fellows. If I jump, you'll pull the blanket away just to make a fool of me!"

"Don't be silly, Mullah. This isn't a joke. This is serious. Jump!"

"No," said Nasruddin. "I don't trust any of you. Lay that blanket on the ground and I'll jump."

Anthony de Mello

Religion (8)

An atheist fell off a cliff. As he tumbled downward, he caught hold of the branch of a small tree. There he hung between heaven above and the rocks a thousand feet below, knowing he wasn't going to be able to hold on much longer.

Then an idea came to him. "God!" he shouted with all his might.

Silence! No one responded.

"God!" he shouted again. "If you exist, save me and I promise I shall believe in you and teach others to believe."

Silence again! Then he almost let go of the branch in shock as he heard a mighty Voice booming across the canyon. "That's what they all say when they are trouble"

"No, God, no!" he shouted out, more hopeful now. "I am not like the others. Why, I have already begun to believe, don't you see, having heard your Voice for myself. Now all you have to do is save me and I shall proclaim your name to the ends of the earth."

"Very well," said the Voice. "I shall save you. Let go of that branch."

"Let go of the branch?" yelled the distraught man. "Do you think I'm crazy?"

It is said that when Moses threw his wand into the Red Sea the expected miracle did not take place. It was only when the first man threw himself into the sea that the waves receded and the water divided itself to off a dry passage to the Jews.

Anthony de Mello

Religion (7)

Goldstein, aged ninety-two, had lived through pogroms in Poland, concentration camps in Germany, and dozens of other persecutions against the Jews.

"Oh, Lord!" he said, "isn't it true that we are your chosen people?"

A heavenly voice replied, "Yes, Goldstein, the Jews are my chosen people."

"Well, then, isn't it time you chose somebody else?"

Anthony de Mello

Religion (6)

A wealthy farmer burst into his home one day and cried out in an anguished voice, "Rebecca, there is a terrible story in town - the Messiah is here!"

"What's so terrible in that?" asked his wife. "I think it's great. What are you so upset about?"

"What am I so upset about?" the man exclaimed. "After all these years of sweat and toil, we have finally found prosperity. We have a thousand head of cattle, our barns are full of grain, and our trees laden with fruit. Now we will have to give it all away and follow him."

"Calm down," said his wife consolingly. "The Lord our God is good. He knows how much we Jews have always had to suffer. We had a Pharaoh, a Haman, a Hitler - always some body. But our dear God found a way to deal with them all, didn't he? Just have faith, my dear husband. He will find a way to deal with the Messiah too."

Anthony de Mello