Religion (15)

A drunk was staggering across a bridge one night when he ran into a friend. The two of them leaned over the bridge and began chatting for a while.

"What's that down there?" asked the drunk suddenly.

"That's the moon," said his friend.

The drunk looked again, shook his head in disbelief and said, "Okay, okay. But how the hell did I get way up here?"

We almost never see reality. What we see is a reflection of it in the form of words and concepts which we then proceed to take for reality. The world we live in is mostly a mental construct. People feed on words, live by words, would fall apart without them.

Anthony de Mello

Religion (12)

Pilot to passengers in midflight: "I regret to inform you we are in terrible trouble. Only God can save us now."

A passenger turned to a priest to ask what the pilot had said and got this reply: "He says there's no hope!"

Anthony de Mello

Religion (9)

Mullah Nasruddin's house was on fire, so he ran up to his roof for safety. There he was, precariously perched on the roof, when his friends gathered in the street below holding a stretched-out blanket for him and shouting, "Jump, Mullah, jump!"

"Oh no I won't," said the Mullah. "I know you fellows. If I jump, you'll pull the blanket away just to make a fool of me!"

"Don't be silly, Mullah. This isn't a joke. This is serious. Jump!"

"No," said Nasruddin. "I don't trust any of you. Lay that blanket on the ground and I'll jump."

Anthony de Mello

Religion (8)

An atheist fell off a cliff. As he tumbled downward, he caught hold of the branch of a small tree. There he hung between heaven above and the rocks a thousand feet below, knowing he wasn't going to be able to hold on much longer.

Then an idea came to him. "God!" he shouted with all his might.

Silence! No one responded.

"God!" he shouted again. "If you exist, save me and I promise I shall believe in you and teach others to believe."

Silence again! Then he almost let go of the branch in shock as he heard a mighty Voice booming across the canyon. "That's what they all say when they are trouble"

"No, God, no!" he shouted out, more hopeful now. "I am not like the others. Why, I have already begun to believe, don't you see, having heard your Voice for myself. Now all you have to do is save me and I shall proclaim your name to the ends of the earth."

"Very well," said the Voice. "I shall save you. Let go of that branch."

"Let go of the branch?" yelled the distraught man. "Do you think I'm crazy?"

It is said that when Moses threw his wand into the Red Sea the expected miracle did not take place. It was only when the first man threw himself into the sea that the waves receded and the water divided itself to off a dry passage to the Jews.

Anthony de Mello

Religion (7)

Goldstein, aged ninety-two, had lived through pogroms in Poland, concentration camps in Germany, and dozens of other persecutions against the Jews.

"Oh, Lord!" he said, "isn't it true that we are your chosen people?"

A heavenly voice replied, "Yes, Goldstein, the Jews are my chosen people."

"Well, then, isn't it time you chose somebody else?"

Anthony de Mello

Religion (4)

On a cold winter night a wandering ascetic asked for shelter in a temple. The poor man stood shivering there in the falling snow, so the temple priest, reluctant though he was to let the man in, said, "Very well, you can stay, but only for the night. This is a temple, not a hospice. In the morning you will have to go."

In the dead of night the priest heard a strange crackling sound. He rushed to the temple and saw an incredible sight. There was the stranger warming himself at a fire he had lit in the temple. A wooden Buddha was missing. The priest asked, "Where is the statue?"

The wandered pointed to the fire, then said, "I thought his cold would kill me."

The priest shouted, "Are you out of your mind? Do you know what you have done? That was a Buddha statue. You have burned the Buddha!"

The fire was slowly dying out. The ascetic gazed into it and began to poke it with his stick.

"What are you doing now?" the priest yelled.

"I am searching for the bones of the Buddha whom you say I burned."

The priest later reported the incident to a Zen master who said, "You must be a bad priest because you valued a dead Buddha over a live man."

Anthony de Mello

Religion (3)

Dov Ber was an uncommon man. When people came into his presence, they trembled. He was a Talmudic scholar of repute, inflexible, uncompromising in his doctrine. And he never laughed. He believed firmly in self-inflicted pain and was known to fast for days on end. Dov Ber's austerities finally got the better of him. He fell seriously ill and there was nothing the doctors could do to cure him. As a final resort, someone made a suggestion: "Why not seek the help of the Baal Shem Tov?"

Dov Ber agreed, even though at first he resisted the idea because he strongly disapproved of Baal Shem whom he considered to be something of a heretic. Also, while Dov Ber believed that life was only made meaningful by suffering and tribulation, Baal Shem sought to alleviate pain and openly preached that is was the spirit of rejoicing that gave meaning to life.

It was past midnight when Baal Shem answered the summons and drove up dressed in a coat of wool and a cap of the finest fur. He walked into the sick man's room and handed him the Book of Splendour, which Dov Ber opened and began to read aloud.

He had hardly read for a minute when, so the story goes, Baal Shem interrupted. "Something is missing," he said "Something is lacking in your faith."

"And what is that?" the sick man asked.

"Soul," said the Baal Shem Tov.

Anthony de Mello